REAL TALK IF THERES A FIRE AT MY SCHOOL I AM NOT WALKING IN AN ORDERLY FASHION AND THEN GETTING MY NAME MARKED OFF IM RUNNING FOR MY LIFE AND IM TAKING MY GOD DAMN BAG WITH ME
one time there was an unscheduled fire alarm and i just happened to have my bag on my shoulder when it went off so my teacher made me go back into what, to his knowledge, was a burning building so i could put my bag back
i just heard a bouncing noise and then that was followed by my dad saying
"oh no my potato"
I can’t stand these fucking people with these fucking family window stickers on their cars a murderer is gonna come into your fucking house and you’re gonna try to hide your kids in the fucking closet and he’s gonna be like naw bitch I saw your fucking mini van I know you have six more kids where are they
my friend’s teacher kept saying ‘YOLO’ around the school and then people were like ‘why do u keep saying you only live once’ and he was like ‘oh is that what it means?? i thought it was a mix of ‘yo’ and hello’ and it was just a hip new greeting’
that better be church wine
i just lost my shit
one time I had this dream that I logged on to amazon and my account had like negative four trillion dollars because i accidentally bought the city of Paris
sometimes i wake up with a very urgent thought on my mind and it’s usually pretty dumb like ‘je suis un pomme' or 'root beer fairytales' but this morning i woke up and sat there for a second and all i could think was
the frenchiest fry
I JUST LAUGHED OUT LOUD IN CLASS
Please be kidding.
whoever blocked out that girl’s credit card info
"The scientists found out that pluto dont exist"
I sigh for humanity
And no one had the courage to tell them their mistakes…